I wish it was always a positive narrative.
But Some moments like this very moment i was originally writing this next part,
Thise momentz Where i have concentrate hard to try to will my being back into a state of calmness even even though every ounce of the hurting parts of me wants to scream and scream until i habe no more scream left in me, even though it feels like there is an infinite supply of the scream inside of me...
Memory loss in itself is not a problem.. but when the person with the memory loss believes they can never do any wrong and the other person is always at fault and can never possibly be right..
when the person with the memory loss accuses the person with the memory of lying bc they cannot remember (or have made up memories to replace the ones that do not exist)..
Of not understanding bc the person with memory problems has a different understanding based on a much more narrower set of facts, usualy often completely erroneous facts bc they have no memory of what actually happened and couldnt possibly have done what the people with memory claim to have happened.
To be told over and over again that my own memories (even though they are backed up by video and audio recordings just to be sure) are wromg over over again, sometimes i even start to doubt myself.. ie why i record EVERYthing now. So i have can proof of my own brain and what it knows or doesnt know.
Thank goodness kiddo is around or i dont think i would have made ir through without ending up in an insane asylum..
Bc around about at this moment i was writing kiddo comes in to the bedroom where i am hiding in bed wrting this and asks to find out first hand what actually happened and sees that i am about to burst into tears and he reaches out and holds me while i release into tears
And he keeps holding me until the silent screams and tears have completely emptied and flowed themselves out and long after the shuddering has subsided and when he realizes i am finally able to speak he asks me simple yes no questions until i am able to dialogue and explain more fully.
And some how my center is slowly regained..
Although i suspect my blood chemistry is still off kilter so he gets me some nigella seeds and chamomile tea to help my blood chemistry to get back to a state of more calmness.
And maybe writing here will also help?
I wonder, does my sharing my writing ever help anyone else?