the misunderstood pack rat part 1

I once watched a video on understanding packrats, and it tasked about how they loved trash bc they had once credit like they were trash or like they had been treated like trash or has been thrown away like trash

And I really wondered if  that did actually apply to me

Bc my own ex after 20 years of acceptance one day stopped accepting me and loathed and feared the idea of helping me to feel any sort of happiness or quote "doing anything to enable me" to help be in this world & still appear halfway functional.

I had OCD & anxiety all my life, but one day he decided he decided I was "diseased" and unless I changed instantly he was going to leave me.  

Six months to organize the house was too long..

But the truth was he wanted to leave & go to another state anyways & he knew I didn't want to so he needed a way to for his mind to find it acceptable

And so he created a bunch of lies to tell himself mixed in with the truths so he accept his decision.

I do actually empathize & understand where he was coming from. He had been fired from his other job and he was feeling out of control and feeling helpless & confused and he just wanted to be able to control his environment and have some semblance of control of the people inside it.. And well kiddo and I made that extremely difficult..

Esp bc he had super poor communication. and kiddo and I were the kind of people who didn't tend to take demand very well and didn't tend to accept direction unless we understood the why and didn't tend to be the best mindreaders in the world esp when we were feeling mentally, emotionall, and psychologicay attacked and even physically unsafe at the time.

Now don't get me wrong .. On a normal day that man w as an amazing family man more accepting and tolerant then most.. But his mind was just going through a massive self torture & upheaval at the time bc his identity and life revolved around his ability to work and be the best at his work and be needed and here he was having his whole world turned upside down. 

His solution was to get rid of the old life and start anew.

Leaving everything behind except his most valued musical instruments & some "essential clothing".. Only that which was most dear to him and which he couldn't bear to be parted with.

But what really bothered kiddo was how he had labeled us, most esp how he had 

treated me on his way out.

Like a biohazard waste .  kind of like how I imagine lepers were treated.

But even before that point, I had started an appreciation of that which others would have thrown out but which was still useful.

It was torture watching friends and acquaintances getting divorced left and right bc they thought their spouses were incompetent and they wanted the a newer better model.

And people's disregard for what was broken but still useable appalled me.

I will have to keep writing more later. I am tired now.

1010am Saturday Feb 1 2021

But before I go, I just wanted to add in how even though I loved the trash I also had a deep need for organization & truth be told a certain amount of neatness with everything having Its place.   And the other way I could handle any sort of change to where things were to where their new location was by using photography and videoing of amything to document the before middle and after.

This was probably what bothered my ex the most bc this part waa tedious and not time efficient.

I do not know if this true for all packrat but something I could not handle was anything happening too fast.

Quick sudden rushed pressure -- impatience of any kind 

My bet is that if you understand that most about packrat, that us probably what will help you the most.

An offer to help clean will usually be taken as a threat bc they know you will want to clean faster then they are comfortable with.

So never never offer to help clean

Or maybe you could look at it as 

Never threaten to clean bc that is how it will be perceived as. -- a threat.

You can offer to help be their hands and feet in any task they want done ( do you hear the difference in wording?) 

but not to try to do it your own way or to take over.l (that would be perceived as a threat)

In the end, its a control issue.

And also an acceptance & appreciation issue.

An allowing a person to celebrate who & how they are and appreciating their own order and appreciation and need to feel in control of their own environment.

I Hope this helps some?

This post will probably get changed and reddited over time.

I fear posting blogs about this bc I had a tremendous fear of my ex wanting to hurt us more bc I fear his blaming me for his pain and hurt and his desire to want us to hurt bc of his pain.

I want him to feel compassion for himself and for us.

I want you to feel compassion for your fellow human being.

I want to feel acceptance and tolwrance

And allowance

For your fellow beings & for all lifeforms.

All beings.

All entities 

All forms of conciousness.

Please.