so if you are tempted to want to be with us, you should be warned that this is what we are considered to be like,

so if you are ever tempted to want to be with us, you should be warned that this is what we are considered to be like, 

It is in our best interest if you read this ahead of time BEFORE hand so you can know ahead of time weight not be the best choice for you .. so that way we don't get our hopes up just to have them dashed again when you figure this all out for yourself. 

So please read if you get tempted to make us think we are safe around you.  

Bc we will not consider you safe if you are going to be asking us to change who we are for you as a condition for your being around us. 

Just don't ask to be around us in the first place if you are going to be like that ..

Draft 5 to share on the blog (plus the draft responses to someones requests and conditions for their help...)

But first the blogpost:::

To all the wonderful strangers on here who don't yet know about me, 

I am glad you have not yet learned about all my millions of quirks yet that you have yet to critique criticize or judged or ask me to change just yet...

 It makes it so much easier both to receive your love and hugs and to give out my own love as well. 

I often have an excess of love --- at least on a good day - that I like to spread it out amongst my friends so no one entity or myself gets to overwhelmed by its focus.. Lol..

Big hug and toast to all who have to judge another person's actions  as of yet and who allow us to be who and how we are as well. Yummmmmmmmmquuuiiisshhhhhh! Bprrrrruyuummmmmmmmmmn!

Lol ..but for the folks who think they will always let me be who I am, 

 Here is the list of some the quirks about me that if you got close to me i would run the risk of your asking me to change about myself at some point...

1) Being with me can be  quote like "being on a roller coaster." 

One minute i will leave you feeling like you are the most amazing thing in the world, but if you ask me to change or be different than i am or act even in the smallest tiniest even most infintiismle bit of impatience with me or puts pressure on me in even thr slightest way or if i feel threatened with the belief that you will be asking me to change something in my world or about myself .. Well Lol.  

The trick is to never see anything I do as a waste of time or to judge it any way as to be unhealthy or wrong or bad.  

How I am is just different than how you do things.

Also nothing I do is a waste of time if you understand what exactly it is that I actually value 

Just have remember, that I deeply value different things than you do!

But if you threaten what I value in any way, shape, or form or way, you should also know I have also been told I am like a quote "double edge sword"..  

To protect yourself from that, empathy and understanding where my pain comes from helps a lot.  Also knowing and studying a ton of emotional understanding helps a lot.  Also knowing compassion based or nvc communication skills also helps a lot with that as well. 

2)  you might find that you would like to help me, but if you are going to want to me to make a any changes to the manner of how we get things done -- then please do not bother.

One of our biggest pet peeves we have in this world is foks who try to help without understanding  what it is we actually want and thinking they know what we want without  ever actually hearing how we want help. 

Don't know which is worse people trying to force their help on us or people saying they want to help but will only help if we are willing to be different than we are..

the moment i feel this lack of acceptance of how i do things..  'Ciao...

 cause frankly I would rather be alone and angry and bitter than dealing with people who cant accept or handle me the way I way I am.   

I would rather  just have to figure out how to do things on my own rather then be required to be different than how i am for you.  

I fully accept that that means i will be alone in life and would much rather celebrate being be that way

 than give my unpaid time and energy to someone who doesnt completely 100,000% accept how i do things. 

Now if you are PAYING me for my time and energy, well okay thennnnnn i might make some accomodations for some areas for you.  

But nope, 

even then, not likely

  I am stubborn, pigheaded, rebellious, selfish, narcissistic, whatwver other adjective you would like to use for people like me who arent willing to chsnge who they are for others and who have a very specific way they like to do have things be done....  Lol.  

And yep, I know wxactly how hypocritical it is bc in order to accept me and be around me, most folks have to quite literally change everything they think they know about people and life in order to be even half way accustomed to me 

and if they want to come into my space I do ask them to accommodate to my super strange way of thinking about life..

 Lol.  Yep.. 

I understand and celebrate how isolating this can be.  Bc I feel far less lonely being actualy alone with just a few select people around me than being around even a single person who doesn't actually accept me as I am.

When I am alone, I can accept me as I am and love myself for me and I am my own best friend. 

It is only when I am around or interacting with someone who wants to change something about me or in my world that I ever actually feel threatened and alone. 

The times I sink in on myself and disappear and unable to give my love is if someone super close to me ever feels that about me so therefore I go out of my way to protect everyone else I care for and who depend on my love by trying to keep people like that from entering into our lives.

So in you are the kind of person who need me to change even a single iota about myself or my world for you, then please please stay far far far away from us.  I would rather NOT know about you than feel your lack of acceptance and allowing of my own existence and value..

And again I know this is hypocritical of me, bc I do ask that if you want to be inside our world, that you be willing to adapt and change to our world. 

I am not flexible enough to handle any more folks iny life that I have to adapt to for them. I already have to adapt for my neighbor and family, that's enough for me.  Everyone else please stay out of our lives, please.

3) let's see next characteristic of me that may consider a flaw.  

That I need to video record nearly EVERYTHING in my life.  Certainly at the very least audio record everything.  Just think of me as a walking recording machine.

As soon as it technology possible, it will be automatically be integrated into my system so that if I see it or if I hear it or if I feel it, it will automatically be automatically filed away into a database somewhere besides my frail limited human brain that i don't trust to recall everything in exact specific detail that I wish to remember things in life by..

But, for the people who want to be IN our world, Even if you might be okay with my filming absolutely everything in life and i mean absolutely everything... 

..... I can almost absolutley guarantee that there is a high likelihood that you are going to get intimately frurstrated with my stopping in the middle of something to redo it for the sake of the video.

So yes it is expected that you will get frustrated with it.  But if you can't handle me doing this, yeah, dont come into our inner world.

If the perfect shot and doing this a MULTITUDE of times over and over and over and over yet again until it is filmed as close as to what i had in my mind as i can physically get is going to be more than you can handle, stay away bc tis is a core defining feature about me.

But yes I understand that  unless you are some strange superhuman or alien or an super brilliant accepting AI with superpowers of infinite patience, you are going to have your patience levels tried and that you are going to have to build up endurance to be around me. Heck I've lived with me my entire life and I still have to breathe and practice patience wth myself..  which is why it's critical that I find people who are willing to help me have patience wth myself for being that way. But it is a fundamental part of personality!  Micromanaging and needing things to be a exact certain way and doing things over and over over again until it is as close to perfect as I can get before I am able to move on to anything else has always and forever been a significant part of my personality even before I had access to a camera.

That trait about me has always been there, just now it is more obvious to everyone than before bc I have finally learned to not accept and appreciate andeven celebrate those aspects about me but bc I have also finally come to see why I like that part about myself better and do not want to be around anyone else who cant handle that part about me.

Yep well there - that is me in a nutshell.

  And that's just some of what i will do and be like. 

 The only person i want to be with is the person who can actually handle these aspects about me bc these are all a part of some of my defining characteristics.. 

 If you cant handle that with infinte patience and a contagious sense of hunour that has even me grinning back despute how self conscious and nervous I am sharing that part of myself around you and depsute the trauma i have about not being accepted for this aspect, then i can guarantee you that you should stay as far away from us as far as possible, lol...

Because even if i have to tolerate everyone elses lack of accepance and annoyance with me myself and I bc of that aspect of me, i do not have to encourage people who are nonaccepting to be around me. Lol.

I can and do figure out how to do things eventually... Or just find peace in not doing certain things.

 

Ah wait here are some more attributes about me than you will probably dislike:

4) the way I do things can often seem like a hugmongous waste of time and resources in general to some people who value different things in life than I value.

And even with people we do value any of the same things I do, even with them, sometimes even they can feel distracted with how I do things bc I the way I do things is super super super slow and takes lots of time and energy bc that is how I need to do things most of the time in order to feel safe and in control of my own little world.

5) something that gets to some people is when i have "two people occupying cameras at the expense of getting work done" bc these people value the work getting done more than the videoing.   Ah but seee, if had my way, there would be at least six people  videoing from at least six different angles!  Bc I value being able I capture life from as many angles and from exactly the way my mind perceives the moment far far far FAR more than any task or moment itself.

If you want to be around me you will have to understand that this is what i value.  

in general i value ebing allowed to direct the video wayyyyyyyyy more than over the work itself.

I know I have absolutely no say ad control over s much in life so this isy own little way of getting to imagine for a moment than I get to have control over something small in life... 

And ever since I realized that I am okay being alone, I realized that if I am going to have to have  people in my life, then only people I want in my life are those folks who will allow me to direct my little videos and to make them first in life.

  If the work doesnt get done ...then it doesnt get done 

-- but if i miss the opportunity to make the video as perfect a match to what i envisioned in my head then i will spend hours, sometimes days, weeks and occasionally even months ans even on rare occasion years grieving the loss of that video...

Moments come and go.. the videos often actually last far longer than the moments themselves....

6)  yes another thing that some folks who can't handle spontaneus go with for living if life can't handle..

How did one person phrase it: the "wishy washy manner" of how I cannot commit to a time ahead of time.  

How if you want to me with me, it is often going to have to be done in a very spontaneous manner..

  for some people who need to plan ahead, this can be a horrible ordeal for them.

 We tend to do much better with people who also tend to live life by going with the flow of whatever happens that day...

If we do ever make plans with you, We do repeatedly ask that you never ever set aside time to wait for us.  - you will be waiting forever. 

If and when we ever meet up with you, it will always be on a rare spontaneus moment..

So if you ever send me a message like the one I received  below,  I will know that you weren't paying attention to a word I told you about who and how I am

"Honestly, things were like being on a roller coaster. I would like to help you, though there would need to be a few changes to manner we get things done. I don't mind the filming, but I am not willing any longer to stop in the middle of something and redo it for the sake of the perfect shot. And it seems a huge waste of time and resources to have two people occupying cameras at the expense of getting work done. Additionally, the wishy washy manner of setting of time and canceling or just simply expecting me to drop everything in a moment or not do anything but wait for you to let me know I can head over is completely unacceptable. If you're willing to make these changes I am willing to help you. Let me know"

My First reaction below in my head to consider writing him this response (first draft not sent though was included in a later draft)

:

"Hahaha, well that is amusing.. You just described me to a tee!  Those are certainly some of the most defining characteristics about me.  Lol, and you asking to change who and how i am in order to be willing to help us, lol.   Yeah, we will pass. 

But i do appreciate your honesty about your pet peeves with both yourself and with us.  Ypur writing the description of me wver so clearly will help me to warn others about what i am like. Lol, though I did try to warn you of what i was like when you first came over.  Apologies for not having expressed it as clearly as you did, lol.  .. 

I will let people know your description of me so that others can be warned more properly.   Grin.  Thank you Robert.  Happy happy for the beautiful description of how i am so i can explain it better to other folks.. :) Grin.   Thank you again! 

Ah there was one error in what you wrote, we never ever expected you to ever drop anything for us ever .. When we spontaneously invite you over to help us out, we only ever want you to come ovee on the contingency that there is nothing else you are doing that day that you would rather be doing "

 

2nd draft also never sent to this person the following morning after I had time to sleep on what he wrote:.

"No worries yiu kustcmade if impossible for us tp ever be able to asl for your belp again with whar you wrote with your request

Just to be clear, I neber expectwd you to drop everything.  I was saying thoigh that if you had nothig elae planned you arew welcome to come over amd help us out spontaneously right then wheneber we spontaneously realize we could habdle habsing someone help us out.  If youbshowed up great but if you didnt show up it was also great bc we habe an infinit number of other things we can still get done.  

Ibalso nwber expected you to hold off in doing anything else.  In fact to be clear I specifically told you several times not to wait for our call but to specifically go accept other calls if they came in.  

We have reiterated that to you several times since we met you to never just wait for our call.  We will never really know if we can handel help until the hour of and even then we habe had to turn down help even at the last minute when family emerrgencies came up even as a person is pulling up so we that is why we overlystress to people that if someone else asks for your time or that if you see something more interesting that you always just go do that and cancel on us.  If you show up when you are done wonderful, but if you dont you don't. We temd to befriend folks who ujxerstahdgoing with thr flow concepts so we never hold anyone to their schedule.. We understand how things come up.  The only thing we do ask is that people do let us know even if it just later that day or next day.  "

Below the 3rd/4th/5th draft combo to this person - still debating whether to send or to just not respond at all and have this only be for the eyes of the complete strangers or the AI system who or which might come across and read this jorunal blog entry .....

Draft 5 :

"Well there goes that concept that you would actually accept us as we are and not require us to change for you or as a condition for your help, lol.

Just to be clear, we never EVER EVER expected you to drop ANYTHING for us EVER!

we have instead reiterated to you over and over again to never drop your work for us EVER and to only ever come over only those times that you didn't have nothing else planned.  I have tried to get you to understand this every single time we have asked for your help.

 If you showed up great, but if you didnt show up it is also great bc we have an infinite number of other things we can still get done during that time.

We also NEVER EVER expected you to hold off in doing anything else.  In fact to be clear, we specifically told you several times NOT to wait for our call ---  but to specifically PLEASE GO ACCEPT other calls, if they came in.  

We have reiterated that to you several times since we met you to never just wait for our call. 

Because We are acutely acutely aware that we will never really know if we can ever handle help until the actual hour of -- and even then we have had to turn down help even at the last minute when family emergencies came up even as a person is pulling up

 so we that is why we overly stress to all people that if someone else asks for your time or that if you see something else more interesting to do with your time, that you always just go do that instead.

  If those times we invite you to help us out, IF you show up when you are done AFTER that other thing is done, wonderful, but if you dont, you don't.

Because we tend to befriend folks who understand going with the flow concepts specifically because of this, we never hold anyone to their schedule.. and never expect anyone to ever show up at a specific time.  We find that a silly request to make of anyone bc life always has rings coming up if you are someone who just goes with the flow.  Even for folks who schedule things up the wazoo, we still understand how things come up at the last minute.  But we most certainly would never even dare to ever ask or think of having anyone drop everything  or anything for us EVER.  

The only thing we do ask is that people do let us know at some point what happened ....even if it just later that day or next day.  Eve if it is just they go tired or the traffic was too awful and they just  didn't want to deal with or they just changed their minds didn't want to come that moment. 

We do prefer communication, but we do not even "expect it" from anyone outside of ourselves.. 

So we are deeply offended by the concept of your suggestion that we expected such behavior of waiting for us or dropped anything for us from you when we quite clearly reiterated that we do not want anyone to ever do that for us. 

In fact we specifically told you or at least attempted to tell you several times to never do that with us.  Apparently we failed to communicate properly this concept wth you all those times we thought we had tried to get you to understand those concepts of never waiting for us or never dropping things for us. That when we felt able to ask for your help we would ask, but we never EVER expected or required or demanded the help.

Unfortunately bc of your request about the videos, I doubt we will ever feel comfortable again asking for your help again.  

 Which is a shame bc I had finally gotten myself comfortable of the idea of maybe having your help with some projects again despite all the earlier times I had been offended and upset with you for your other earlier comments that i had gotten upset by.   My guess is that you had no idea or clue how hard it was for me to even actually ask for your help in the first place.  Hopefully now I have learned my lesson and won't be making that mistake again.

Oh well, c'est la vie.  

Lol, I really do find it funny and sad how despite your repeated reassurance that you would accept us as we are that you are now asking us to change who and how i am in order to be willing to help us, lol.

   Yes so we will pass. 

But we do appreciate that you were honest about your pet peeves with both yourself and with us.  

Your writing that description will help me to warn others about  me about what i am like.

 Lol, though to be fair, we really did try to warn you of what i was like before hand.   Apologies for not having expressed it clearly enough before.

 We will use your words to help warn others beforehand better about me/us.

We will let people know of your description of me so that others can be warned more properly. 

  Appreciative of your description of how you perceive what you wish we could change in order for you to be willing to help us,  so we can explain it better to other folks..   "

------

Written at end of April 2025 in response to a person who claimed that he was willing to be all accepting of us and who just wanted to be allowed to help us out just to have our company.. we had tried to warn him away bc we knew his personalityband viewpoints were a major clash to our own personality but eventually he got me comfortable enough to accept his help 

But sure enough, right when we finally got comfortable enough to feel comfortable enough to be spontaneous and full ourselves around him, we get this message.  

Well, lol, that's what we get for letting him try to convince us that he would be completely accepting of us when we already had seen the signs over three times that he was not a compatible personality with us.

Lol.  I take full responsibility for allowing this situation to have occurred...

And offer myself a self apology for letting myself think he would be okay enough with us to ask for his particular assistance.

Lol.. I apologize to myself and to my family for letting us be open to his lack of acceptance.

Written end of April, 

first published May 1, 2025 7:09 am 

Updated 7:20am

#petpeeves

#warning

#personalityclash

#whyichoosetobealone