i am a fountain of love, but that doesn't mean i want to be with you...

hi. this letter is to you.. i love you, btw. whoever you are.. whoever you may be.. whoever you are.. i know that you are me.. and that I am you. or something like that. i highly recommend watching the ONE video by kuzegerat.. Kiddo showed it to me and it surmised that concept pretty well. Here is a link to it. anyways.( by the way, ,i will say that word a LOT. get over it. or don't bother reading this book if you have a problem with it. I have a problem with it. but i want to write to you. and i use that word a lot. did you hear me say that I love you. yeah. i do. i don't know who you are that is reading this but i know you, at your core.. and I know that I love you. whether you are a hurting psychopath, an angry empath, just a bored passerby, a judgentmal mean person, or someone kind or loving and caring .. all of you.. i love you. but what does that mean... I suppose i should be worried what that might mean to you.. to me it's just a feeling.. passing through my essense of being from the universe out to you.. does it mean that i want to be with you? NO. In fact, I can honestly say, I think it's okay if we dont' ever meet.. if I don't ever hear back from you. well wait a minute.. what if you are some one that I am supposed to meet? or who would have helped me make my dreams come true. hmm, yes. but what if you are some scary stalker... what if you are someone who enjoys hurting people? who wants to hurt people.. what if you hurt people without even knowing that you do it. i am told that narcissists do that. have often wondered if I am a narcisst. when i ask that though i get informed if I have to ask then I probably am not. but i do know i am dam selfish. i do know i am a massive micro manager. I do know I want things a certain way. and don't do well when people don't let me have it that way.. its part of the big reason why i don't want to be with anyone other then my family. my family who accept me or who okay don't always accept me, but tolerate me someitmes.. and put up with me bc i am family and who can't just throw me away.when they are done with me or when I don't say or do or act or behave in a way that is wanted.or wished for. or maybe they try to, but at the end of the day.. biologically we still share the same dna. but wait a minute..its EASY to disown biological family. people do it everyday.. that doesn't seem to actually mean shit. sohmm i don't know. but despite it all. i love you... so get over it. what does that even mean?? okay i love you. i don't know what that means. i don't like you. idon't want to be with you. i probably don't even respect you. but i love you. okay. got it? yes got it. good. bye. i want to be special. i want to be important to you. i want you to care about my wellbeing and my needs. i want you to want to help me financially to make my dreams come true.. do you have a problem with that. so many people have a problem with that concept. so many people.. its ridiculous. the coldness. the "you go do it on your own" concept shutting people out i don't want to help you in that way philosophy. i dont' want you dependent on me or anyone else philosophy. whatever happened to the concept of takign care of women. oh right ..it came at a price. a price women dont want to pay. yep.. none of us want ot pay the price. we all just want to be able to make money just by being alive .. existing just by being us. it really doesn't sound that unreasonable a request. actually if you think about it.. artists do just that.. they are themselves just doing what they do and love. thats what i want to do.. doing what i love to do.. and to just be.. and have whatever it is that i do be useful to you. somehow.. and loved and treasured and wanted and appreciated by you! dam it. dam it to all hell and heaven and back