this morning considering i had shot up awake from a horrible nightmare which left me in a state of massive anxiety the rest of the morning about the future of my moms health bc her health is the only thing protectng the properties and my dreams right now bc if anything haopens to her before i have my life together, we are screwed. My dreams would be screwed.
All that i want in life would no longer be possible unless somebody else stepped in to rescue my/our dreams. but i gotta admit, frankly even though i am on a dating site, I gotta be honest.
The idea of becoming intimate with anyone is very unnerving to me.
Yes, I will be around whoever my family is around and i suppose that person one day has a chance with me, but i dont really want a life outside of my family and or my dream goal to save my familys property.
All i want in life right now is just to prevent my familys homes from getting sold off and torn down.
All i want is just to be able to buy my sister out of her half of moms home and my ex out of his half of our home so i can put the homes into a trust that cant be touched by anyone so the homes and the stuff inside the homes can be salvaged as they are and so i can transform the gardens into the edible oasis of my dreams and have people be able to visit it and be inspired.
That alls i want right now... to be able to save the properties for my son and grandchikdren so i can be able to live out my life being with my family and transforming those very particular gardens.
But i am worried that i will be wasting your time if you are hoping for more from me.
Though i desperately want people who will help me protect the homes from people who wanted to sell it off the day until either my son or i one day msde income of our own and could then just buy every one out, i also dont want to be accused of wasting anyone's precious time.
We do enjoy people who are willing to be freinds of the family but if you are imaging me being able to let down my shields enough to be like my old self, i am afraid it is going to be eons before i can do that even with close friends again.
The hope is that if i ever one day feel like my dreams are safe then maybe id relax enoigh to let the world in but i honestly dont know when if ever that will ever happen again.
But would you be ok with a platonic business partnership or just a simple friendship?
April 27 2020
935am to 715pm
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