If you enjoy my sharing the misc conversations below, will you please be a dear, and both subscribe here, and send a dollar donation to www.patreon.com/KeE
We would also love it if you also said a hello in the comments below.
Which person did you relate more to?
Does the conversation provoke or give any interesting thoughts?
Originally published Monday Oct 21 2019 621pm, 6:51pm
I originally started this email response to someone back on Aug 5, 2019 , worked on it again on sept 7 and finally got it sent off on Oct 2019.
Beginning of email
Me: I once thought I could help people with bodylistening, but these days i barely have energy to listen to myself but i still wanted to send in some thoughts i had back a few months ago.
Even though i started this Draft response back to you back on Mon, Aug 5, 2019, since then i have both added and subtracted.
On Aug 5, 2019 5:54 AM, other person had written: "At the moment, with me looking for work, my days can be long and I am trying to find productive means to fill them. I have a large deck on my house and I have coated most of it and will be done in a few days. I stripped the finish off of a wood chair and have restrained and coated it again. When I do things like that, I feel productive and feel like I accomplished things that needed to be done."
I wrote back: "lol, my list of ton of projects "waiting" just grows & grows ...which at this rate unless i win the lottery and can delegate out the projects i will probably never see happen...sigh, lol. but right now i couldn't ask anyone to do them, bc i have nothing id be willing to give back in exchange.. so i guess a lot of stuff right now is just not going to get done, bc some days even just the smallest tasks are hard on my mind. lol, ill admit, often what I really want is just to be allowed to hide and not have to go out of it to deal with all the myriad of worldly stresses that exist outside of my room/ or face all the sometimes overwhelminh stimulation of sound and activity and people in the world. Esp when we dont have access to transportation anyways, lol.
Lol, if i ever did win the lottery or if I ever found a way to bring in enough extra income from the comfort of the computer, then maybe someday some of my dreams about some of the nicer projects that one day i'd like to one day see happen will actually happem... like that pseudo community orchard like project., i half put the idea up on my houston Hugelkutur facebookpage.Www.facebook.com/HoustonHugelkutur though it will definitely have to wait till i at least have better transportation or lol, could be able to afford a couple of moringa or fruit trees etc for it "
other person wrote:> Speaking of work, I may have a job offer coming in by the end of the week. So keep that in your prayers for me.
i wrote back: " :D I do hope that that worked out for you. I like people to be happy and able to pursue what they want to do. :) "
>>>>>
Other person wrote: "For me, I am also quite sensual, but also sexual (as mentioned before). It may be a male thing. I think that some of it is a deep need for intimacy. And sensual/sexual means are quite intimate. "
I wrote back: "i think from time to time, i have had the thought that sensuality is often an expression of ones core energy flowing through,((( though right now my own energy is fairly low, so it's hard for me to remember those views.)))
I do think though that for the avg male, well no, people in general in our culture, ,that few people take the time to fully connect with themselves or to other people --- which i do find a shame since there are so many ways of connections that doesnt require sexuality (though I think these days that's the only way half our society THINKS that they can get their needs met, lol) but there are so many way of sensuality i think that often gets missed out on by so much of our current culture.
The only people I ever really see who have much semblence and awareness of that world of connection are perhaps some dancers, and maybe some in the theatre/acting/art world maybe..... but even there, i often wonder just how many people are aware of the many beautiful ways of connecting..
After reading a gazillion profiles and people i have talked to over the years, it often seems the main common need for most of the men who had profiles up was the excruciating need for that feeling of deeper connection that humans seem to rarely do for each other these days (if ever)... satisfying a deep need of of being accepted and appreciated and even admired and connected.. not only to another person but to themselves. To be valued by another (and to themselves, so to speak).
I think ALLLL human beings need that.. but i think often our culture makes it harder for men to get that.. though truthfully, i think its actually harder for women to get that bc of the whole sex aspect. It's often extremely difficult these days (and well i guess for much of history) for women to feel appreciated outside of the sexual aspect."
>>>>
Other person wrote: "I feel the need to be close. The need to caress and be caressed. In fact I crave those things. I have often wondered what is in me that makes me want such intimacy."
I wrote back:" um, I think you crave those things because you are a human being.
I think its in our very nature. In fact, biologically speaking, i think ALL mammals in fact, have a need for phsyical connection..
I think all humans esp, probably deaperately need more physical connecrion then our society encourages..... but the sad sad sad part about our culture is that now, more then ever,( or according to some articles I have read), our culture now a days is making it harder and harder and harder for humans to get that, let along access to simple touch/hugs.
Some of the articles I have read have left me so sad about the future of humanity's ability to connect to themselves and to the world --- esp after reading articles about how afraid people are becoming to give hugs and simple touches of reassurances.
and it's a shame, because the research shows how critically important human connection through touch is vital to human sanity.
The simple healing & regenerative rejuvenating reassuring miracle of simple kind touch and how it is getting harder & harder to both get/receive and/or to give.that in our world today.
i posted a couple of articles about it on my bodylistening facebook page.
Www.facebook.com/bodylisteningworld(hopefully you will take a moment to find it and even subscribe and follow alomg ;))
lol, several months back I think i even after i had posted an article on there that talked about our society and touch i also talked about how after reading the article, how i wanted to makr that my living -- helping to provide a safe place for people to get that access to touch without the dangers that come from sex or anything else.
if you ever do ever go on facebook, i do highly encourage you to follow along on that page:www.facebook.com/bodylisteningworld
We also have a twitter page and a youtube channel for it, though i domt think i have posted on the other two in quite awhile.
Anyways, the point is : i believe all humans NEED simple safe connective touch, though i also agree, that when one's shields are up high, it's also becomes one of the hardest thing to receive.
Though something my son taught me, is how so so so many upsets in this world can be cured or alleviated or lessened just with a simple hug of reassurance and acceptance.
When I am stressed, though, I will be the first to admit though, that the hardest part for me is the idea of being touched back when my nerve endings are frazzled and freyed by the overwheming stress of fears... even lowering my shields down to heal others which is normally easy for me becomes wxcruciatingly hard for me, let alone lowering them enough to be touched back...
well, in general getting touched back -- esp by anyone that not close close family or an extra close friend pf the family.. that's much much much more of a challenge and one I get shivers down my nerve endings from unless i am getting paid to teach them something about touch..
it's why I used to tell people that I ever worked on, that if they wanted to be able to touch my skin, that I'd have to charge them double make that triple, though usually i was just joking with them in a light hearted way to let them know that i was uncomfortable with what they were doing..
though truthfully, in the back of my mind, the more and more i see how much people need that in their lives, the more and more my brain on a very abstract levels has started to become ok with the idea of offering people the idea of bodmind connection -- though for a much more hefty sum then just a simple body listening session (a heft sum mostly because I try to convince my brain that despite the idea that I might be naturally uncomfortable being touched by someone that my family wasnt super super close to, I wanted to give my brain a way of becoming okay with the idea of becoming comfortable of giving that gift to people and i figured being able to pay mortgage would be enough to help convince me that a person at least cares for our dreams enough and is willing to help out with then enough that they are worth letting me giving myswlf permission enough to be phsycially comfortable with them.. but again, still only willing to do that on a platonic level.. like how i am with friends .. just with simple foot rub or with a simple backrub or tickle back or one of my favorites: the hair "being petted" experience.
Or another of my favorite, having either their back or my bavk be "drawn" on while their is conversation going on around me. My favorite is when i can get kiddo to "draw vines with leaves" on my back though he tends to just do drum taps on my back with his tourettes taps.. often when he is talking he "taps" with his hand so when i am tired i sit next to him and put my back near where he taps.. mostly its a chance for me to have an wxcuse to pretend i am like the cat and get to lay down and close my eyes amd happily listen away like i am the cat who gets away with this with everyone.
But with people who arent family or close family friends, I used to think i was uncomfortable just because I was a woman --- that I felt so vulnerable, but I think now, it has little to do with gender. Its really just because it's much much harder for me when my own shields are up -- which they often are.
And half the time my theory of why my walls are up so high, is, I suspect, is because of how vulnerable I feel in this world financially speaking.
I say that because I remember myself still back in college days when I wasn't as afraid of the world and I existed and was a part of the dance/drama/art community and I remember a time, when the world wasn't so frightening, and I wasn't so afraid.
And I try to think of the few times I didn't feel so afraid since then.. and it was the few times, when i happened to not be afraid financially and therefore not as stressed and more willing just to be my natural comfortable self. ;). but it's just a theory. i don't know the actual truth of it anymore.
It definitely could be other things as well, though..
I know that when my sister was in town, i was so single mindedly focused on everything going as smoothly as i could, that i couldn't even handle kiddo resting his feet on my leg, like he normally did -- but that first week, my shields were up so monstrously high.
but then later, after my sister left, and I realized much more the full extent of the situation with my mother, i guess a kind of fear of human fraility struck me maybe, I am afraid In other ways, I started closing my mind off to connecting to people even more.
For several months, connecting was even more difficult then even before when letting my shields down around people in general after that divorce.
back in the day, when my ex was around, he knew some of the tricks of how to help me through my anxieties. and kiddo knows some of them. but what i really need, I dont have.
lol, now if i could just figure out how to get myself feeling financially safe without having to go through people, or talking. (or having to leave my room). I still force myself out into the world for kiddo and mom's sake, but my brain often just wishes it could just stay curled up in my room and only come out when the world is asleep. That is probably when I am at my happiest when the world is its quietest.. or on the days I know we don't actually have to go anywhere or have to talk to anyone, and I can just exist and be and enjoy our just being alive. those are my happiest moat relaxed of days. sigh."
>>>>>>
other person wrote: "Is it natural or is it due to how I was raised?"
I wrote back: "Again, From the research i've read, its not only natural to crave connection through touch, its actually required for humanity to function at its best.
There was an accidental study done once on kids..well it wasnt supposed to be a study .. it was just a byproduct of some war-thing-a-ma-jig that happened somewhere in Romania (i think) but the results turned out to show just what happens if kids are denied connective touch growing up. The results were shocking and horrible.
if you type into ecosia: " kids romania lack of touch" you can find several articles about it, though I may also post some more articles of it on my facebook page as well someday.
Sadly our current cukture drills the ability to connect through touch out of people. I remember after I left the drama/dance community i used to be a part of (or even just the world of acadamia) where touch still more oftened existed, after several years of being surrounded by people who were disconnected to their body, one evening, kiddo and i spent a whole evening once with a travelling art/dance troupe travelling through our city and found ourselves delightfully reminded what it was like to be around people like that again. Everyone of them were super comfortable with their own bodies and with their shields being more down and not afraid of both giving/receiving hugs and i remember feeling sad that this level of comfortability was not as prevalent in our society. Bc humans need that kind of connection.
So for awhile after that, I tried to make it a point to hug nearly everyone, though since then oddly enough I have also come to realize the beauty of personal space as well and how quickly irritated I also get when people enter my space when I am not okay with it. (We have a female nieghbor who I now have to avoid bc she does not understand person space though I am sure there are other reasons why she leaves me considerably uncomfortable which i then feel horribly ashamed that i would ever be so uncomfortable around someone, anyone... )so its a conundrum.
Sometimes i treasure my personal space intensely and determinedly, even to the point of going out of my way to avoid that one neighbor who intruded on my personal space way more then I could tolerate despite my very clearly always trying to put at least five feet between us whenever she tried to talk to me and finally having to tell her to please not intrude on my space , but other times, I myself sometimes have dared to ignore other peoples self imposed boundaries of keeping people away when I can see how much they are in need of human contact..
for example, I once had a neighbor who had Parkinson's and whom when i first met would never have allowed anyone to touch him bc of how much he shook. But after years and years of both kiddo and i insisting he get a hugs from us when he passed us by, finally one day he became comfortable with us, and twice even let me work on his arms and shoulders (though true, He could only handle a half hour session bc his shaking got to him too much -- but afterwards, he commented how he actually felt almost human again. (I cant tell you how many times i have heard that comment from people after having worked on them). I would have done more for him if he hadn't had to move into a care facility too far away for me to be able to visit.
When I am not stressed and can relax knowing we don't have to go somewhere or deal with people that day, when i am happy and give myself permission to relax and to just be able enjoy kiddo's natural "tourettes tap" (bc of his tourettes, he oftn does this tap of the space in front of him wtih his hands), on those days, I will gladly plop my back down near his hands when they are tapping away while he is chattering away about one of his designs just to get his "taps" to land on my back...
But i have to be in a very relaxed feeling safe mode for that.
Anwways, back earlier in the year, When i was looking through some articles for some wording of how to advertise what i thought i wanted to be able to do for people bc I had had this thought that my skills as a bodylistener might actually help with this area, i came across several articles about touch and how primates especially humans need it more then they need food and water.. (there was even an article proving this about a baby chimpanzee (It might have been a different primate) that died and refused to eat when it was denied any contact or touch).
I dont which article to recommend most, but if you follow along on the facebook page or even the twitter page, I do post occasional articles up on there about that topic. The point is.. it is NORMAL to crave & need human contact in ones life.
lol, i had a bemusing thought, have you ever thought of becoming a personal masseuse yourself?. it doesn't bring in a lot of money, but maybe it might be something you might just enjoy a lot.. though to be honest, I don't know if it was always something i enjoyed..it was more just this giift I once knew I had.
Though I will be honest, with my shields up as high as they now are, I am not certain if I have the gift anymore that I once had..just the idea of "having" to interact with people and that our lives may depend upon it leaves me wanting to hide and close off my enjoyment of people even more.
i know its just a phase and it will pass... just wish it was more acceptable that i dont like having to go out and that there was a way that i could utlize my skills without actually havign to interact with people and the world.
I wish that it was considered okay to just to be at home just safely curled up on my pillow like the cat and it just being okay to just be and nothing more..
Its often difficult to be patient with own ineptitude and accepting and compassionate and considerate about my own mental blocks. "
>>
Other person wrote: " I agree with you that women can be more vulnerable. And they need to feel safe. That is where the hormones come in. Men can often be more aggressive and frighten women off. Which in my opinion is sad.
> Hopefully things will be back to normal for both of us soon.
> I hope that you have a great day."
I finished email with: "Anyways.. i just wanted to get that email semt off since I had taken the time to start it back then and since it had taken several hours to write.
Hope you were lucky with that job search and that all has been going well for you. Still trying to get over obstacles here."
xxxxxxx
To the readers/audience:
We Hope you enjoyed getting to read the conversation. You are welcome to Share your own thought responses. Make sure you are signed up on the link we provided above www.facebooo.com/bodylisteningworld or twitter.com/bodymindworlds. Much appreciated. Thank you for letting us have the gift of letting us share our ideas and thoughts with you.
Donations of Encouragement can be sent to www.patreon.com/KeE ;)
Originally published Monday Oct 21 2019 6:52pm
No comments:
Post a Comment