an old craigslist ad wishing people would find alternative solutions to divorces

originally drafted on this blog on 5/30/2018
originally posted on craigslist back in 2017

this was an ad I put op on craiglist back in 2017 trying to encourage people to find alternative solutions to divorce.
now I agree that there ARE some situations where abuse is occurring that for the family's safety, sometimes seperation is essential, but I also do not believe that one HAS to divorce someone to keep them safe.  I often think in many abuse situations as well, if your spouse is dependent on you,  that the person abusing should LEAVE the home but not necessarily do a divorce which would remove  the medical and financial support.
the important thing is no matter what choice you make, you make sure to provide continued medical and financial support to whoever was dependent on you! spouse or children!
and to make any transition be as smooth as possible, just remove yourself but do not force the divorce until the OTHER person is ready and whatever you do, do not force your children to be split between you.  if you have to walk away from your marriage for whatever reason, then you make sure the kids have your support, but never require them or force them to be with you if they do not want to be and/or force them to be away from the other parent.
if you thnk your spouse needs help, then remove yourself and your kids if their lives are in danger, but instead of forcing a divorce on your family which will only make everyone's lives worse. find a way to keep yourself and kids safe while getting your spouse the help they need.

  

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CL

Posted 9 months ago

favorite this post Is your family dependent on you but you feel trapped?  

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If there is a chance in hell that i can stop another divorce from occurring, I want to take it!

Mostly this goes out to the men out there, but it can also be applied to the women out there as well:  I would rather you cheat on your wife/spouse then leave them.. Let them leave you but DO NOT leave them stranded! I repeat NEVER be the one to give up on your spouse.

I repeat do NOT leave your spouse if they are at all dependent on you.

This goes for you women as well if your honeys are dependent on you.

If you want to leave the person who is dependent on you financially, there are ways of doing it which will ensure both their safety and yours and which will leave everyone happy not with only one person happy or neither party happy. There are so so so many ways to avoid a painful divorce, many of which will allow you to get all your need met while staying married or which will make sure to get everyone's needs met and or which will make a transition to a new life flow effortlessly and painlessly for every member of your family.

If they leave you , ok.
But if you want to leave then, then as the head of the household whom everyone is dependent on then it is your responsibility to make sure you have gone out of your way to make sure they are financially JUST as taken care of as you were doing for them while you were married to them.
AND/or it is also your responsibility to help them find a NEW partner to mentally and emotionally take over in giving them the comfort, affection, caring and love when you are officially gone..... if they are dependent on you for that as well.

Until you have found them either a new partner to help them out for them to be dependent on or until you have empowered them to be able to be able to smoothly transition to not need you anymore, it is your job and your responsibility to make sure to empower them and leave them feeling so empowered that they can leave you instead of you leaving them, capiche!!!

It is ALSO your responsibility to make sure you keep yourself and them physically, mentally and emotionally safe during this process.

And in the interim, anything i can do to help with mediation or listening or empathy or help you with ideas and understanding your needs and theirs, then I want to help.

My goal is to make sure that no spouse leaves a family that is dependent on them until they have made sure their family is safe and NO longer dependent on them

and

to make it possible for you to figure out to stick it out in a way that keeps both your family AND yourself safe in the interim until you have empowered them enough to leave you or until you have found them a new partner they are happy with!!!

my point is that i want to open people s mind up to the awareness that there ARE other solutions besides the three traditional ones people often run to. 

You can avoid negative solutions like
1) taking it out in abusive manner
2)running away in a destructive style divorce
3) running away via death

There are OTHER much better more effective ways of leaving and also getting all you needs met which DONT involve abuse of ANY kind or a DESTRUCTIVE damaging divorces done in a destructive way.             

 You CAN Make it done, instead,  in a way where your partner and family celebrates the idea.

There are ways of leaving and getting all your needs met which will ensure the safety of your family and of yourself and which will leave everyone feeling empowered and happy and so that if a divorce occurs no one gets hurt but rather there is a celebration party thats just as spectacular if not better then rhe marriage party.

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

post id: 6276138302

posted: 9 months ago

updated: 8 months ago

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language of posting : english