Are you cheating on your spouse? READ THIS to help see a benefit to getting your needs met vs leaving

Below is a different take or viewpoint on cheating spouses.

I wrote a version of this in an email in response to some person on the dating site being worried I might reject him bc he was married.  He had written:

"I've read your profile a few times and remain curious if you are sure you are acceptable of my "marriage" status."

below is a version of what I wrote back in response:

burst of laughter, i wont tell you what kiddo said in initial response to finding out you were "looking elsewhere" to get your needs met. 

 but i think you might appreciate what i said back in response to my son, 

sadly i did not record it so i cannot play it back for you.  but here is the essense below of what i told him, though written below is a long winded version of my take on it::

here is my take on it:.

for me,
as thw wife and family that was left, what i am proud of is the fact that you are still with your wife. and that i celebrate!

sure i would like more for you to be able to find the connection and joy in your own marriage from within,  but often times we dont have the awareness and tools for that.
But by still being married, you have left the door open for those skills to one day be learned and the potential for healing to occur from within... and i deeply deeply celebrate that!

and just maybe, who knows, maybe a little bit of what kiddo and i are learning or our often radically currently nonmainstream  ways of thinking about people (and life) will rub off on you, and you might even learn how to gain more joy in your marriage indirectly from us.

you may even find a way to get more satisfaction and more needs met from your own marriage as a by product of hanging out with us .. or at the very least make it so that even if it turns out you get your own personal needs met better from others,  at least maybe we can help you to get your own families needs better from you,  in your own unique way.  that would be cool!

I not sure if you glanced at or looked at any of the longer videos on that link, but if you did (or maybe from the patreon link (not sure if you read the patreon page link)), but if you did,  not sure if you gathered what some of our goals in life are? 

one of the goals is that if we ever get able to focus on this online project again, its to help people learn how to listen to themselves better and get their own needs met better so that they can others needs better.

so if i or we get to be a part of helping you find a way to celebrate your marriage/family in your own unique way, that an awesome wow and honor and something i get to personally celebrate.

do i mind if you are married?
  no, i dont mind at all. in fact its the opposite. i am actually proud of you for that. Bc at least you have not yet given up on being able to transform what you have into something even more amazing then what you already have.

and if you have kids, an even bigger gift you are giving them by having provided for them that benefit of habing thr family together ..  giving them the message that they and the family dynamic is worth it to you to keep around.  (and that to me is the best mesage of all you give to then and to us) 
that you truly value gour family dynamic to the core of your being -- even if you are not always capable of getting their needs met bc you are currently strugling with getting your own needs met right now.
i get that its probably hard for you right now to get all  their needs met and so you are looking outside the marriage to do that. i get that by connecting to us you have given us the honor of being a part of that journey for you.

but the fact that you are still married tells me you are still brave enough to want to be able to give then that safe world while also learning how to get your own needs met as well.  that you are open to figuring out a winwin situation. and that to me is a joy that you heart is searching for a way to make that happen.

even if you end up having to seperate until you find a way of connecting that gets everyones needs met, you are still making an effort and that is deeply appreciated by me.

it was what i had deeply wished my own ex had done for me. it would have been a gift i would have appreciated from him.

so in my eyes, your staying in contact with your wife and your leaving the doors open between you and her to even just have the possibikity of having an even even better relationshipo with her - simply by you allowing the marriage to exist... i actually truly honor and appreciate that from the depths of my own core.

you are just trying to get your needs met with the hopes that it will help you to be able to better able to get their needs met as well..  and that i understand.

and who knows, maybe by hanging out with kiddo and I, maybe you'll also pick up a little of what kiddo and i have been learning and will be able to utilize to help you in your own relationships with other people as well. that would be cool.

heck, if we can inspire others in our connections with others for them to feel safe to learn with us as we learn then we've have indirectly accomplished  a large part of the why of why kiddo and i do what we do,
and why we are working on our projects, and it will feel good if we are able to practice some of our joy and celebration of wanting others to feel safe into practice with the people we interact with. ..

so,  id like to believe that what i wrote just now will help you feel more reassured and way more okay to just be yourself around us.
that what we want for you. that what we want for ourselves. that what we want for anyone who interacts with us. we arent always good at it, heaven knows.  but that is what we want to strive for..

to be able to create that safe place for others to be able to connecft with themselves, while also surrounding ourselves with people who will celebrate and apprwciate us back - just as we are.

i think thats a large part of the goal behind why we do what we do, i think..

i wish i knew how to send you through these words a kind of self hug of a burst of reassuarances that you could give yourself.

  its the feeling i would like you to have.

i want you to feel such a sensation of feeling accepted and appreciated that you have enough of that feeling leftover that you can then pass it on to your own family and then from there they are able to pass it on to others.

like a chain reaction domino affect of appreciation and beauty of the love with in ourswlves and with those around us.

i hope i managed to impart and give a little bit of that to you just now.

sending a wave of comforting energy to you.  may you feel safe with us so that you can help your family feel safe with you.

may you take a moment and close your eyes for just a moment and recieve that energy and let it flow through you out to the world around you!

purrrrrrryumohmmmm.....  

- krin (with son Eagle)

thank you for this connection and for allowing us to be able to attmept to give you some of that safe feeling.