why it IS important to treat your kid like an adult, WITHOUT losing control: there is a way of doing where you stay the leader & the alpha & in control!!!

i recently came across a book that said a list of reasons of why not to treat kids like adults.. and though I was horrified by the title I did understand WHY he had written the book.
but it also showed me how adults have this mistaken belief that treating another person like an adult means losing control.. It can be done another way!!
You CAN treat our child like an equal human being: having their opinion and thoughts matter just as much as yours,  treating them as an adult --- BUT in such a way that is RESPECTFUL TO YOU!

Though i strongly disagree with the title to his book, I realize it's because I have a completely different definition on what it means to treat a kid like an equal adult..

For me,
            it's about practicing the Golden Rule and leaving time to allow for discussion and collaboration. 

I treat kiddo like an adult, but that does not mean he gets full runaround... 

like I explained it to kiddo once, using the terminology from his favorite show Star Trek -- explaining how even in the adult world, we have order of hierarchy in group dynamics.   I am the captain and he is my number one, but that means that even though i treat him like an equal human being in discussion, as the captain, i get final say. 

He once wanted to be the captain, but then I pointed out how the first officer got to have fun doing the exploring while the captain was forced to stay behind and miss out.  I said to him "okay, are you up for missing out on all the fun and doing all the things the captain has to do? (and i gave a whole long list of what else the captain had to do, and he decided he was okay just being the first officer instead. I said "good choice" you can be the captain later. .

.so I do treat kiddo like I would any other adult whom I might be responsible for or how I would want to be treated. But just like we adults have to follow a certain set of rules in our society, he does too.  And as the owner of the home and the person who pays the bills, I get to decide some of those rules.  Just like if he was a tenant of my house. Just like if he was a student at my university. 

Like that author, I DO still agree with placing importance of actually insisting of following certain rules when it comes to certain thing. (again, the power of star trek coming to the rescue, though I am sure other kid shows have certain analogies one could use)..

I also agree with his emphasis on checking in and having some control over the internet. Kiddo has earned my trust to have free reign of researching on the internet, but we also make it a point on being social & aware of one's surroundings OFF the screen as well. Ironically though, one of the tools I am okay using to encourage awareness is the phone camera. 

But something I so alarmingly agree with what he wrote was the scary amount of meanness kids are treating each other with online. 

I have started to record our conversations that kiddo and I have about what he comes across online in hopes that it will share some awareness with other parents.  (go to our krineteagle youtube channel playlist on internet & kids)


Every time kiddo talks about what he comes across, I get dumbstruck and startled and disturbed and fearful for how little awareness most parents who don't get a chance to have these long conversations with their kids might not know about. Even if you do talk to your kid a lot like we do, some of this stuff they come across online, they might not be comfortable talking about. 
In fact, a lot of times despite how may hours a day kiddo and I talk each week, often this stuff doesn't come up until we start listening to an audible book together about communication and he asks a question about what we are listening to in reference to what he came across in the gaming community. 

I remember the first time he told me, i was tempted to never let him ever get on there ever again, but in today's world, it seems to be a large topic when the kids meet in person, so I also feel like there is some use to it.. but please please.. if your kid at bedtime ever wants to stay up to talk about it. please take the time to listen and find out what kind of behaviors they are being exposed to so much that for them it's "normal" .. the online and verbal language they are learning from their peers. it's scary. and we all need to be aware of it!

Please listen to your kids.. If you would like some books to help you with listening to your kids, please go to our bodylistenworld store: www.bodylisteningstore.com/shop