and half of me is half bemused, half confused what they mean by that phrase, half wondering if stating that on the profile really works?
I hear the pain and frustration of the person who wrote that, but I also feel saddened by the idea of what that phrase may mean?
Are you a person who wants NO DRAMA in your relationships/interactions?
Will you listen to some suggestions and insights to maybe you help achieve having little to no, or at least LESS drama in your life?
For starters: when you write that down in your profile, make a point to DEFINE what that means to you.
Because HONESTLY, to the people who probably need to comprehend and understand what you are asking for well enough to leave you be, that term by itself is a CONFUSING VAGUE INDESCRIPT term that really conveys absolutely little to no useful knowledge whatsoever to the person you are hoping will understand that phrase.. I would personally be highly shocked if that phrase alone helps you get a person who actually has no drama.
btw, Do such people actually exist? Wouldn't that mean that person has no passions, no story? or does it mean to you that they act completely "normal" which ALSO btw, is a very confusing term because what is "normal" to one person, may certainly not be "normal" to another person,... especially if the two people come from different cultures or backgrounds or experiences, which usually is so often the case.
When I ask people what they mean when they write 'No Drama' I get SO SO MANY DIFFERENT answers and nuances and variations from each person I have asked. (Same goes for the word 'normal' though)
Frankly though, Based off my own observation of people, most 'drama' that I personally perceive of as drama or what people describe to me as drama, MOST often occurs because of LACK of CLEAR COMMUNICATION.. especially lack of clear communication of your expectations from day to day, from moment to moment, from event to event Too often people have SO many expectations that they assumed the other person should know about, but the other person either completely ignores it or doesn't seem to care or some such problem like that. (FIRST OFF PEOPLE; MOST HUMAN BEINGS DO NOT LISTEN, KNOW, UNDERSTAND MOST OF WHAT YOU TELL THEM. SECOND OFF: MOST PEOPLE ARE NOT MINDREADERS). And please do not think that if you tell them some general expectation that they understood what you meant by it. You NEED to BE SPECIFIC with people!!!
Personally I think 'drama' often occurs because you have too many expectations of the other person of how you THINK they SHOULD be or behave, or what you think is appropriate but what you think is appropriate doesn't necessarily match their perspective of what they think is appropriate at that time. so suggestion: stop expecting. okay how many of us can do that.. ok so lets find a better suggestion.
The second biggest reason I think drama occurs is because of a just general overall lack of communication skills of at least one party, and or lack of understanding of peoples emotions and needs from at least one party.
In AN IDEAL world, they would actually teach understanding about emotions and conflict transformation in schools, but we don't quite live in that world yet so most of us have POOR skills when it comes to communicating fears, concerns, hopes, expectations, FEELINGS, etc.
In theory, though, I keep reading that you really only need ONE person to have some decent communication skills to AVOID DRAMA. So, if that's true, then IF you are encountering drama, that tells me that most likely, chances are, you are the one with not so great communication skills.
So when I hear you asking for someone who has no drama or even if you CLAIM to be someone who will not bring any drama to a relationship, then usually the thought that occurs when I see a person write that is, (one they probably are not the kind of person who takes responsibility for their own contribution to a drama situation) and two, that chances are that person probably does not have that great of communication skills when it comes to feelings and needs. SO IF YOU WANT NO DRAMA IN YOUR LIFE, I hope you will TAKE THIS SUGGESTION: START LEARNING as many different ways as you can to improve your OWN communication skills about YOUR OWN FEELINGS AND NEEDS!!! IF YOU DO THIS, over time, you will in theory start to find less 'drama' in your life.
Because people I see who want that,really all I want to do in response is I want to point you towards communication workshops or websites that teach better understanding of needs, feelings, and communication. Like the twitter page bodymindworlds or the facebook page bodylisteningworld promoting communication skills & body listening (of themselves and others around them).
so one person hinted that 'drama' meant "pushy" or "demanding", which is a little more clear of a statement then "drama" which has all kind of nuances and definitions depending on who is talking..
though even still with all these terms, how many people out there actually KNOW if they are pushing or demanding? lol. i find so few people have much actual awareness of themselves.
let's see, let's ask that about myself, am I a push/demanding person?... I suppose realistically, and I think this is true for about anyone, (feel free to comment below if you think you are never this way), but it depends on the situation.
If there is something I am really passionate about, I probably would be. If you felt passionate about somethign and confident enough to speak up, I suspect you might also be more that way then you realize yourself.
Esp With someone who is SUPER close to you who you know will still like you the next day no matter how you are, IF you had the confidence in either them or in yourself, you might probably might allow myself to be a little more adamant about something you feel strongly about.
For strangers or for situations that are not really all that life changing or important to you, you might be a little more laid back.
For me personally, I guess if it's about something that will affect my family, my kiddo, my life, or my home, I might be. But I'd think that would be true for about any woman or person you encounter.. even yourself. when something is important to you and you feel confident enough to speak up about it, you probably speak up and emphasize your request, I would imagine...
My guess, is that what you would really like is for other person to be a little bit more patient, and understanding of your needs, and feelings?..
so then my next questions is, well, do you CLEARLY articulate to them your feelings?
my guess is that you think you do, but if you haven't actually triggered their natural compassion and empathy neurons, my guess is that you probably haven't actually said it in a way yet that they comprehended or understood.
So may I offer a suggestion. next time the other person is pushy or demanding, start experimenting and make some variations in HOW you are communicating to them your feelings.
People tend to be inclined to listen better and get your needs met better if you can trigger their desire to protect you from what you fear. So try talking about what you fear, and play around with different ways of doing this, until you get better results. (AND remember, what works for one person, most certainly likely probably will not work for the next one (not that I can practice this lesson, but it's helpful if you can remember that bit)....
okay.. hope my passing paths with you helped make a positive difference in your life. . sending peaceful supportive encouragement to you in your journey with the many people you encounter in life.
-gardendreamer
if you stopped by and read this post, please just say a quick hi to let me know you were here..
if you would like to encourage me posting more or to show some gratitude or if what I said made a difference or mattered to you some, then let's be connected each month via www.Patreon.com/KeE
No comments:
Post a Comment