my fantasy draft

This post was written for one person in mind, but since it was too long to include in a text, I am opting to sharing it publicly here.

In a way, doing so helps me to feel more brave about presenting my fantasy...  

If this person whom I actually wish to see this description of my fantasy turns out to not be interested, then I will consider what other options are available to me.  

Dear person whom I would like to fantasize is the perfect person for this fantasy, 

Please read both versions of my fantasy. 

 If you are able to do at least Part one of the fantasy, then I am open to hearing what you might be asking for

 or requesting or requiring for version 2 of the fantasy....

........

My life fantasy has many parts to it...and many versions.  

Part one is saving my family's home.. 

part five and six are not really needed to be included here bc they do not involve another person unless the same person that is funding part one also decided to help fund part five and six. 

Part five and six have to do with an empire of different assortment of businesses that carry our name and our stamps of approval that my son and I wish to someday fund ..and have our ideas be implemented..  even if we are more just the CEOs and not the actual managers of the day to day of the idea (since most of them we wish to coown with whatever employee we hire): From our nonprofit designed to help humanity, to a side specialty online drink shop that sells very rare niche drinks whose market is barely touched..  from a cricket snack niche to a special food truck idea. To Eagles designs that he would like to see our there from his microscope design idea to his raman spectrometer ideas.   But all of those ideas are all more just side ideas that are more like a bucket list of ideas that we would like to see happen for humanity once our main goals that we are passionate about succeed.  They are Just random ideas that we would like to see funded and out there, but none of which hold our true passion. Just misc idea that we wouldn't mind putting a hand into after we have accomplished our main goal we have in particular for our family's home and land...

Our true passion revolves around Part one - what we wish to accomplish with our family's home and land. 

Whoever helps us to succeed with where our passion lies, that is the person that will have our loyalty and who will be able to have a chance of being the person I have fantasized about for over a decade now.

After this person on a dating site asked me to share my fantasy with them, I tried to finally put into words with a little more detail....

Here is an attempt to verbalize my desire:

Version One:

Six parts to it, but only the first three parts involve another human being .. 

Part 1) some person who would essentially be able to offer us what we want to be able to give others through our non-profit idea...

 Essentially what we wish we could have found before the price of our home went up before the ex sold our home to this person who is now trying to evict us from our home so they can create a minimansion...

But part one now : is basically someone who will buy our home from the people my ex sold the home to 

and  who will then let us have full control  over our family's home and who will help us to go about achieving our dream for the home 

AND make it possible for us to buy back our family's home with all of these ideas we have for it.

 Although it would be super easy for anyone of wealthy means to do part 1, 

even at the higher priced amount..,,

I imagine doing so would come with slightly more strings attached than what are nonprofit is going to be asking from folks (that is once we raise up enough capital for the nonprofit to do what we want it to be able to do for folks). So I imagine for anyone who wishes to have strings attached, that that person who would like to have strings attached, they would probably prefer my version 2 of my fantasy... 

 But for version one::

letting us be able to keep living and having full control over our family's home would definitely be the first part of the fantasy!

- and finding someone who would let us keep living in the home as is, untouched by them...  

- And who would let us have the time we actually need to be able to buy back the home while practicing regenerative priniciples with the land and home.. 

  Theorticaly, all one needs for That part of the fantasy is just someone with a lot of juice who has a soft spot for our family and/or for our fundraiser or nonprofit to raise the kind of funds necessary..

It's parts 2 , well more part 3 that i am not sure a physical human could do....  

Part 2: well that is actually based off something something some of our other close friends aready do for our family, but only combined with part 1..

  Imagining someone who could do both part 1 and also do what normal friends of the family do:: of coming over two or three or four times a year (or more) for some quality laughter with the family - 

Admitedly, Part two is a bit harder to imagine bc it is harder for me to imagine a super wealthy person who could afford to actually do part one of my fantasy to also be willing to spend five hours hanging out with me and my whole family...we have had wealthy friends before, but they still required more than I think we might be able to give with mom in her current condition.  That is to me the saddest part about version 2..  and why I wish from all of my soul, I could find someone willing to do version one of my fantasy..  for grandmom's sake.  I wish I could give her that...

There is a sense of infinite peacefullness

  if part 1 AND part 2 could indeed be combined..

Sigh.

  Unfortunately, most people we know who are willing to come to laugh with us at our home,  dont tend to have any were near the level of financial resources that we would need to save our home.

Oh, but we do so like to fantasize that such a person exists in the world.  

Part three-

 thats the 'secret' fantasy which I openly admit exists,  but which I keep secret from my heart... 

Its the idea of finding:

 a completely all accepting, all allowing human male who was not only completely comfortable with me being me as i am, but who actually even encouraged it.. 

Someone who utter acceptance of all the ways i am left me feeling safe enough to bring out the more sensual silly parts of me on a more permanent basis rather than the little bursts of confidence that come out from time to time whenever i imagine for a brief moment a spurt of hope for financial confidence of owning my family's home again one day (and the financial  means of getting to do our goals) and just over all the feeling of feeling financially safe again. 

But that would take someone ever so patient and nonjudgemental and patient and allowing of my slowness

 and someone allowing of my desire to live and share life with my family at all times 

and  someone who allowed me to video and audio record life amd live life in the way i wanted to my hearts content. 

That last part of my fantasy would take one heck of an amazing man to do that.

  The secret part of that last part that I do not share with my heart is that over time and over the years that pass , 

that that same man would allow me to slowly melt all my many shields and would allow me to  let myself enjoy being with them on a more physical intimate level.. 

in a deeply passionate way...

I do not let my heart know that someday it would be nice to eventually felt safe to fantasize throwing my arms about someone to kiss them passionately,

whose stare I would welcome as they enjoyed my body, 

whom over the years I would became so comfortable with them physically and mentally,  that I was able to do more than just dance for a minute or two... 

 but where i felt alive and dancing ALL the time

 and felt able to feel cuddly and safe to be intimate with someone again.  Lol.  

 But that part, would take so much allowing patience as they watched me slowly come out of my shell more and more until I just naturally felt that kind of confidence all the time.

 Yummmmmmpurrrrrrrr.....

.dont know how many men have that kind of patience and willingness to provide the financial and mental acceptance of me and that kind of safety that that would involve. 

 They would probably also have to be easily amused and patient and entertained by my silly ways.   

It's doable.  And oh so wonderful to imagine.  

And i would love to imagine that kind of financial security  and mental safety to fully be myself around you.  

But it's also something I know better than to ask another human to actually be able to do, lol.  

But it is so nice when i allow myself to fantasize about that idea coming from a real human being who is outside of our family from time to time...

 Yummmmm.....

Part 4 is just all the places that kiddo and I want to one day get to travel to and see in person.......

Part 5 or 6 has to do with the rest of our bucket list and doesnt really need another person's individual help to accomplish... bc by the time we are ready to do them, they will be done just for fun and not bc there is any sense of urgency about them.

....

Now even if you cannot do version one bc you are a human being with your own fantasies and needs that need to get met .. if you can at least do part one of the version one, then i will be open to doing version 2  IF  that is what it will take to save our familys home and to be allowed to do our dream for the home.

Fantasy Version 2: 

Version #2 is not an ideal fantasy for me, but I could see how it could be an ideal fantasy for someone else.  Perhaps for the person who might be willing to actually help us to save our home?

I've tried to imagine it from time to time bc historically it is the more realistic version.. and I am prepared to go that route if no other option present itself. (Just please be considerate in not expecting me to be as thrilled about that option as I would be by the first version..)

I will be relieved and content and grateful even if that is all that life is willing to bring my way.. and even a little bit tickled that at the very least that option was presented...but please be okay with my wishfully wishing for the ideal version 1 -- where I was accepted and appreciated for being just as I am.  

Version #2 is where just like was historically done for women throughout all time and history, where a woman had to basically give herself to her husband or sugardaddy or whatever the person was ...  doing their bidding and for all practical purposes, as done in history, essentially being owned by that other being until they either one day miraculously bought back their own independence...or they just ended up being that way for life...

In some ways, there is a certain sense of security knowing that one would be cared for for life..so I suppose very few women indeed ever tried to gain independence..

I think I personally would like the freedom to be allowed to become independent so that I could be allowed to do as I wanted or be as I wanted whenever I wanted... 

I know that most likely I would stay loyal to whomever gave me the chance to gain my independence whilst also be allowed to keep my family's home, simply bc a sense of loyalty tends to be built into my very nature. And it is a trait I value and admire..  but I have learned that it is not something I would ask for in another.  It is enough that I follow my own values.

I would ask that even with version 2 that I be 

1) allowed to continue to record and document everything, 2) that I be allowed to practice zero waste, 3) that I be allowed to have full control over my family's home and the items that are currently inside the home, and 4)that i be allowed to be with my family or have my family be with me for all times that my personalized attention were not being required. 

 I think as long as I was allowed to sleep in the same room with my family and allowed to be with them when my attentions were not needed, I think I could handle the rest of whatever was probably required of me. 

 ( I am not a 100% sure if this an accurate guarantee that I could be whomever was needed of me in order to save my family home,

 but I do know that realistically I could probably try to be that way -- once I know that the home was safely secure - away from those people who bought it from my ex and with someone who would at least give me an honest fighting chance for my son and I to learn the skills necessary to buy it back)

If you have the means to buy my family's home back from those people my ex sold the home to..

...  and if you are willing to let my son and I learn the skills necessary to buy our home back from you, then will you please discuss with me, what you strings attached you might have....what you would need from me in order to make such a strategy a viable one for both of us..

Written the month of Dec, year 2025....

Thank you for reading, 

          - Krin of the Krineteagle Family